When I was planning on going to Korea, I didn't think I had any expectations at all. But in reality, my expectation was to go to Korea and not find any family and close that chapter of my life. I told everyone I knew: neighbors while walking my dogs, acquaintances at work, friends, family, etc. What a big mistake. When I came back from Korea, everywhere I went people where asking me if I had found my birth mother in the same fashion as asking how my weekend was. I froze up and refused to tell anyone about it except for my boyfriend (now my husband). I told my family over e-mail while in Korea, but they want to talk about it with me less than I do. After a few weeks, I finally started telling people my story: I had found my birth mother and a half brother. My birth mother was an orphan herself, so there isn't a lot of family to meet. She had me unmarried. My birth father took one look at me and was never seen again. She tried keeping me, but it was too hard and finally gave me up for adoption just shy of my 2nd birthday. She finally got married but to an abusive man and had 2 kids. My half-sister drowned when she was around 8 or so. Now it's only my birth mother and half-brother. They lead very simple lives, and I think they struggle financially a lot. I apologize if you've heard me say this story a thousand times, but it's almost like therapy every time I say it.
Once I started telling my story to people, I couldn't stop. I told everyone. Once I had let it all out though, I was surprised at how little the response back was. Some of the questions were also strange to me: What's your brith mother's name? (well, I don't actually know and if I did I probably wouldn't even be able to pronounce it correctly), Does she speak English? etc. Perhaps it was this reaction that made me want to get in touch with my Korean adoptee side for the first time ever.
I now find myself discovering new feelings and thoughts about myself. I am questioning my religion for the first time ever, I've started to question loyalty among my family, the realization that meeting my birth mother was never going to give me all the answers to all the questions that I had, also that since there is no proof of my existence before I came to America (no pictures, no birth certificate, no knowledge of the exact time I was born) that it almost doesn't feel like it ever happened.
I think every adoptee secretly imagines meeting their birth family, but I never thought about the aftermath of it. What now?
Once I started telling my story to people, I couldn't stop. I told everyone. Once I had let it all out though, I was surprised at how little the response back was. Some of the questions were also strange to me: What's your brith mother's name? (well, I don't actually know and if I did I probably wouldn't even be able to pronounce it correctly), Does she speak English? etc. Perhaps it was this reaction that made me want to get in touch with my Korean adoptee side for the first time ever.
I now find myself discovering new feelings and thoughts about myself. I am questioning my religion for the first time ever, I've started to question loyalty among my family, the realization that meeting my birth mother was never going to give me all the answers to all the questions that I had, also that since there is no proof of my existence before I came to America (no pictures, no birth certificate, no knowledge of the exact time I was born) that it almost doesn't feel like it ever happened.
I think every adoptee secretly imagines meeting their birth family, but I never thought about the aftermath of it. What now?
